journal #206.

october.

uh-huh? is it october already? unbelievable. we have 2 more months to end of the year for 2009. did i say unbelievable?

i am still searching for jobs. so far, nothing. i applied over 100 places, mostly in arizona and few in las vegas. i applied at hotels, resorts and restaurants as well. i really need a decent job with a full time job.

i do have a job, yes. but it's a part time job with 15 hours a week for 3 days. what the fuck is that? the other workers has 4 to 5 days to work while mine is 3 days. i spoke with the executive chef that i just graduated and will you give me a full time job? that was last may when i asked him. he said we will talk about it later. it's wrong time right now. it was busy that day and i understood. few months later, i asked him, he said we will but i can't talk with you right now. the sous chef told me you are a great worker. and i was like, excuse me? why did you say this even though i have 3 days for 15 hours? don't rub it on my fucking face. don't do that, please? i just spoke with the chef about it and he claimed it's bad economics. i am like, oh, fuck off. it's not bad economics at all. the workers has 4 or 5 days to work. and i have 3 days. how can it be bad economics? do me a favor, save the bullshits and tell me the truth why can't i have a full time job?

i got job offered on october 16th, 2008. about few days left, it will be one year i work at saddle ranch chop house. after the old executive chef quitted last may, if i remember correctly. everything is changed. there is no honesty, abuse power and what's more they don't follow health procedures. i just can't quit or walk out from that job. because when i do, how can i support myself? i need money for living. without money, you can survive it. but i live in the apartment, i subscribe the magazines, bills, a blackberry device, my dog; lucy and another things, too. that money is cover for everything. so i can't leave that job until i find a better job with a full time job. i am not giving it up until i have it in my hands.

i am currently working the agency to help me find a job. result? still nothing. if you wonder what do i want for a living. a chef. that's what i wanted to be. in the future i will become a chef. i will. last may i graduated with certificate of culinary arts. and i have been looking for jobs since july, right after i got married.

good day.